Succubus Blues CHAPTER 26

Why so blue, Kincaid?I looked up from the learning desks computer screen to make up ones mind Doug leaning lazily over the counters edge. Am I?Sure. You lose the saddest look on your face Ive ever seen. Its severance my heart.Oh. Sorry. Just tired, I guess.Well, then, get break through of here. Your shifts over.Glancing buck, I read the measure on the computer. Five-oh-seven. I guess it is.He eyed me askance as I rose listlessly from the chair and make my way out from behind the desk. You sure youre okay? yeah. Like I said, meet tired. Ill see you around.I started to walk away. Oh, hey, Kincaid?Yeah?Youre friendly with Mortensen, arnt you?Sort of, I c onceded cautiously.Do you know what happened to him? He utilise to be here, like, every day, and now hes been bygone(p) all week. Its freaking Paige out. She thinks we offended him or something. I dont know. Were non that friendly. Sorry. I shrugged. peradventure hes sick. Or out of town.Maybe.I left the store, stepping o ut into the dark crepuscle evening. Friday in Queen Anne brought people in herds, drawn by the areas pastiche of activities and nightlife. Ignoring them, lost in my own suasions, I walked over to my car, parked a block away. Immediately, a vulture in a red Honda slowed down and put her signal on, realizing my moorage was well-nigh to be vacated.You ready for this? Carter asked me, materializing in the passenger seat.I fastened my seatbelt. Ready as Ill ever be.We drove up to the University District in silence, a hundred questions on my mind. Since removing circle from my apartment last week, the nonpareil had told me non to worry, that he would see to the sources recovery. Id still worried anyway, of course, about both Seth and the deal Id made with Jerome. I was about to become the single greatest source of chaos and come-on in Seattle even Hughs stellar track record wouldnt look so total er, bad, anymore. I would be more than the slave Helena had claimed I was. The ve ry thought made me ill.Ill be with you, Carter told me soothingly as we approached Seths introduction minutes later. The angel flickered briefly in my vision, and I realized hed gone invisible to mortal eyes, though not to mine.What does he know?not overmuch. Hes been awake more and more these last couple of days, and Ive told him a little, and really I think hes been waiting for you.Sighing, I nodded and stared at the door. short I snarl unable to move.You can do this, Carter said gently. droopy again, I moody the door handle and stepped inside. Seths condo looked much the like as when Id last been here, the kitchen still b duty and cheery, the living room lie with boxes of unpacked books. Faint music drifted from the bedroom. I thought it was U2, barely I didnt write out the song. Moving toward the sounds, I reached Seths bedroom, pausing in the doorway, afraid to cross the threshold.He was in bed, half sitting up, propped up by pillows. In his hands he held The Green Fa iry Book, looking to be about a trine of the way through it. He looked up at my approach, and I nigh sagged in relief to see how much better he looked. His warp was back, his eyes b office and alert. Only that facial hair looked ragged and unkempt, the end point of no shaving for a week, I guessed. That answered my question about whether or not Seth had maintained the thin, neat beard on social occasion.He reached for a remote on the bedside table and turned the music off. Hey.Hey.I besidesk a some more steps into the room, afraid to get any closer. Do you want to sit? he asked.Sure. Cady and ONeills faces scrutinized me from the bulletin board as I brought a chair alongside Seth. I sat down, looked at him, and then looked away, unable to handle the depth of those amber-brown eyes aft(prenominal) beholding into his mind.Our old silence fell between us, the progress wed made in conversation banished to the winds. Seth would not take the lead this time. As Carter had observe d, the writer was waiting for me. I looked back up, forcing myself to meet his eyes. I had to do this. I had to do the explaining here, but I balked at it. It was ironic, I thought. Me, who half the time didnt know when to shut up. Me, famed for always having some catchy retch at the ready.Knowing it would neer get any easier, I took a deep breath and let it all out, conscious of the weight of nirvana at my back and the hell Id well(p) consented to stretching out ahead me.The truth is the truth is, I dont really work in a bookstore. I mean, I do, but thats not really why Im here, what my purpose is. The truth is that Im a succubus, and I know youve probably heard of us before or think youve heard of us before, but I doubt what youve heard is correctOn I went. I told him. I told him everything. The rules of the succubus lifestyle, my dissatisfaction with it, why I wouldnt date people I liked. I told him about other immortals, angels and demons walking among us. I even explained about nephilim, hinting that Romans armorial bearing in my apartment had been part of a lure on my part, but mostly skimming over the embarrassing circumstances Seth had constitute us in. On and on, I talked, not even knowing what I said half the time. I barely knew I had to accommodate talking, keep difficult to explain to Seth that which defied explanation.I finally reached the end, my stream of confabulation exhausted. So. So, I guess thats it. You can believe it or not, but the forces of good and evil as humans perceive them, at least are alive and well in the world, and Im one of them. This city is filled with charming agents and entities humans just dont realize it. Its probably just as well, really. Otherwise, if they knew too much about us, they mogul find out how pathetic and fucked up our lives actually are.I shut up, thinking if Seth hadnt seen what he had already seen, he probably would have thought I was crazy. Hell, even after it all, he still probably thoug ht I was crazy. He would be justified. Those brown eyes weighed me and my words in silence, and an annoying wetness welled up in my own eyes. I looked away to hide it, blinking rapidly, because while succubi might be accused of doing all sorts of bizarre things around mortal men, I was pretty sure vociferous wasnt one of them.You said you said you used to be human. He spoke the words awkwardly, no doubt trying to grasp the whole concept of mortal and immortal. How then how did you become a succubus? I looked back up at him. I could deny him nothing in that moment, no matter how painful.I made a bargain. I told you before that I was married that I had cheated on my husband. The consequences of that were not pleasant. I traded away my life becoming a succubus in order to repair the damage I had caused.You gave away eternity to determine one mistake? Seth frowned. That doesnt seem equitable.I shrugged, highly awkward with the topic. I had never spoken of it to anyone. I dont know . Its done.Okay. He shifted slightly in bed, the soft s biding of fabric the only sound between us. Well. Thanks for intercourse me.I recognized a dismissal when I heard one, and it dig into me like a blade. That was it. Done. Seth was through with me. We were finished. afterwards everything I had told him, at that place was no way things could return to how theyd been, but really, wasnt that for the best?I hurriedly stood up, suddenly not wanting to be there any longer. Yeah. Okay. I moved toward the door, suddenly pausing to look back at him. Seth?Yeah?Do you understand? Why I do what I do? Why we cant why we have to I couldnt finish the thought. Its im likely. I wish it were differentYeah, he said quietly.Turning, I fled his condo for my car. When I got into it, I buried my face into the steering wheel, sobbing uncontrollably. After a few minutes, gentle arms wrapped around me, and I turned toward Carter, vociferous into his white meat. Id heard reports of people who had angelic encounters, witnesses talking about the peace and smasher experienced by such moments. Id never given any of it much thought, but as minutes passed, the terrible pain in my chest abated, and I grew calmer, finally lifting my head up to look at the angel.He hates me, I choked out. Seth hates me now.Why do you say that?After everything I just told himI suspect hes troubled and confused, yes, but I dont think he hates you. Love like that doesnt turn to hate sooner so easily, though Ill admit the two intertwine sometimes.I sniffled. Did you sprightliness it? His deal? non like you did. I sensed it, though.Ive never tangle anything like it. I cant match that. I like him like him so much. Maybe I even love him too, but not in the same way he loves me. Im not worthy of that love.Carter made a soft, chastising click. No one is beyond being love.Not even soul who just agreed to spend the next century hurting humans, modify souls, and leading them to temptation and despair? You must hate me for that. until now I hate me for that.The angel watched me, expression steady and calm. Why did you agree then?I leaned my head back against the seat. Because I couldnt stand the thought of me of that love being wiped out of his head of not being remembered.Ironic, huh?I turned toward him, hardly surprised at anything anymore. How much do you know about me?Enough. I know what you got for becoming a succubus.I thought it was the right thing then I murmured, my minds eye turning to a far time and place, another man. He was so sad and so risky at me he couldnt go on, knowing what Id done. I just wanted to be blotted from his mind forever. I thought it would be better if he if everyone forgot about me. Forgot Id ever existed.And now you dont agree?I shook my head. I saw him years later, when he was an old man. I shape-shifted to the form hed know me in that was the last time Ive worn that face, actually and approached him. He looked right past me, though. Didnt k now me at all. The time wed had together. The love hed had for me. All gone. at rest(p) forever. It killed me. I felt like one of the walking dead after that.I couldnt let that happen. Not again. Not with Seth, after experiencing what he felt for me. Even if that love is ruined marred by what he thinks of me now. Even if he never speaks to me again. Its still better than that love never having existed at all.Love is rarely flawless, Carter pointed out. Humans delude themselves by thinking it has to be. It is the stigma that makes love perfect.No riddles, please, I told him, suddenly feeling tired. I just lost the one person I might have loved again after all these years. Really, truly loved too. Not just pure excitement either, like with Roman. Seth Seth had it all. Passion. Commitment. Friendship.Not only that, but Ive agreed to go on active duty again as a succubus. I closed my eyes, swallowing the bile in my throat. I thought of all the nice guys in the world, men like Doug and Bruce. I did not want to be their downfall. I really do hate it, Carter. You have no motif how much I hate it, no idea how much I dont want to do this anymore. But its worth it. deserving it if Seth can keep his memories.I looked over at the angel uncertainly. He can, cant he? Carter nodded, and I exhaled with relief. Good. At least theres one spot of hope in all of this.Of course there is. Theres always hope.Not for me.Theres always hope, he repeated more firmly, a commanding tuberosity in his voice that startled me. No one is beyond hope.I could feel tears coming to my eyes again. Lord. I seemed to be crying all the time lately. What about a succubus?Especially a succubus.He put his arms around me again, and I gave way to my sobs once more, a damned soul taking momentary respite in the embrace of a heavenly creature. I wondered if what he said was true, if it was possible that there was still hope for me, but then I remembered something that made me half laugh and half choke a ll at once. Angels never lied.